The Right To Bleed
by sUmMeRiTh
Summary: ‘“He seems perfect but he’s not.” I never thought about it, but man, is that like me.’ Zach’s POV, oneshot.


**Summary: '"He seems perfect but he's not." I never thought about it, but man, is that like me.' Zach's POV, oneshot.**

**Feedback: Please.**

**A/N: Just listening to the song and I decided to try my hand at Zach's point of view.

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Summer says I'm perfect. I've heard her say it. It's what she thinks. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind her thinking that, but… What's gonna happen when she finds out I'm kind of screwed up as well? No one's perfect. I've tried to show her only the best sides of me, I'm not sure how much longer I can do it for. I already slipped up a few times. I punched her ex boyfriend, I cheated on her. Somehow I made her forget and forgive me. But I can't keep going. I've already proven I can't be perfect all the time. I can't keep it up forever. A part of me can't stand being so 'perfect', but I'm not stupid enough not to know exactly why Summer's with me… And why she hasn't dumped me yet. It's definitely not because I'm perfect, but that's why she doesn't want to hurt me. She thinks I'm too nice to be hurt.

_I can't stand to fly___

I'm not that naïve

There are so many sides to me. All Summer, Marissa, even Ryan and Seth, maybe even my family… All that everyone see is the perfect, boring guy who's good at everything but has no real depth, imagination, or spark. I have depth. I have levels. There are just certain parts of me that I haven't discovered yet. I'm just putting up this façade until I find myself, and I don't get why no one else can see that.  
_  
I'm just out to find_

The better part of me

I'm more than anything they think I am. Everyone has expectations of who I am. Summer, Marissa, Seth… I'm not perfect. My family, even with my grades and sport, I'm not going to live up to what they want me to be. I can't see myself being like my sister or my father. I wish I could just be normal, like Seth for example. He's got it so easy and he doesn't even realise. And none of them realise who I am, they don't want to see me for myself. I'm more than an academic athlete, I'm more than the perfect boyfriend, I'm more than this good looking, well-rounded, balanced guy that everyone seems to think I am.

_I'm more than a bird_

I'm more than a plane

More than some pretty face beside a train

I'm not. And one day they'll all see that. They'll all find out, unless I leave. I don't want to leave them. I like it here, I like these people, I like their dynamics. I like Summer. But aside from the perfect façade, it's too easy here. Soon I'll be caught out. Right now, life is starting to look okay. It wont be like that for long. It's never okay for me.

_It's not easy to be me_

I have this, sort of, image, you know. Like, water polo, right? We're supposed to be all tough just coz some of us beat on nerds. Dude, I'm sort of a nerd myself. You'd think that they'd all see I'm an exception. I'm not another Luke Ward. My dad thinks that since I'm his boy, the man, I'm not allowed to show any emotion. I'm supposed to be strong. I am strong, but that doesn't mean I can't collapse once in awhile.

_Wish that I could cry  
__  
Fall upon my knees_

Most of the time, at home, it's just me and my mom. And I barely see her. But still, everyone still thinks I have a great family life. Well, I guess my _family_'s great, but life with them is pretty much non-existent. I guess everyone can keep believing the lie if it makes them happy. I don't matter.  
_  
Find a way to lie_

About a home I'll never see

I think that the only one who doesn't completely buy my 'perfect' image is Ryan. Ryan Atwood. Seth Cohen's 'brother'. I've never really talked to him, I guess he's on Seth's side with the Summer issue. But from the looks he gives me in Comic Book Club meetings and the one-liners directed towards me, I can tell that he sees through the cracks in my armour, the cracks that everyone else refuses to see are there. And from what Summer and Marissa have told me, we're not too different. He has a hero complex. So do I. I rescue people, but I end up involved with them romantically in the end. But hey, from what I've been told, Ryan does too. I don't want to end up involved romantically with Ryan, so I have to wonder… Who's going to rescue me when everyone else starts to see through the cracks? When I break down?

_It may sound absurd_

But don't be naive

Even heroes have the right to bleed

Maybe I wont break down. But I know this thing with Summer isn't going to last. At first, before I knew about Seth, she was distant but I thought, hey, okay, I've got something with this girl. But then I let her go to Seth, and she came back to me. And we had our fights and our issues, but we've mostly gotten it right. Except, she's always been distracted by Cohen. I'm not crazy enough to think that she loves me, or even likes me all that much, but when I pretend she does it makes everything a whole lot easier. Make believe is sometimes better than the real thing, you know.  
_  
I may be disturbed_

But won't you concede

Even heroes have the right to dream

Take me for example. I'm so different, on too many levels, I'm conflicted. Everything started to look okay, but I knew she'd never make it to the wedding. Because, for me, nothing is ever okay.  
_  
It's not easy to be me_

So, I left her behind. I left her, gave her to Seth Cohen. Let her go. And suddenly, it was, what? Eight months, or something, of lies. Of faking perfection just to keep her. Suddenly, nothing mattered when I didn't have her. I didn't really have anyone anymore if I didn't have her. I was alone. If I didn't have her, I didn't have Marissa. Seth would probably be happier with me but honestly did I really want to see them together? And Ryan, well… I never really had him in the first place.

_Up, up and away_

Away from me

Hopefully now they'll all be a little happier, for a while anyway, because God knows happiness doesn't last in Newport. But everything will be okay for them; at least for tonight they can be happy. I guess I should be happy that I made them happy.  
_  
It's all right_

You can all sleep sound tonight

Maybe knowing that, it'll be easy to be me. I can be okay within myself. I can let myself come out without Summer to restrict me. I'll be alright… As long as I can control my thoughts. I'm starting to sound a little deranged, but I guess that's okay, too. Not making sense was okay for Seth Cohen, and he's the one who's got my girlfriend.

_I'm not crazy_

Or anything

…

_I can't stand to fly_

I'm not that naïve

That flight, without Summer, was the hardest I've ever made. My thoughts were full of regret, yet some kind of happiness. Excitement, maybe. Looking at the clouds outside my window, I could think, and hope for a better me, a new start.  
_  
Men weren't meant to ride_

With clouds between their knees

I remember when I first met Seth and Ryan. What I had said to them about Superman.

"He seems perfect but he's not." I never though about it, but man, is that like me.

"I mean, if you think about it, he's actually kind of messed up." Thinking about how messed up I am has probably messed me up more.

"I mean, he lost his parents, he lost his whole planet, he's like totally alone, and this is a guy who could take over the world if he wanted but he doesn't." I've already lost my parents, in a way, and I lost my girlfriend, I don't have many notable friends. I'm pretty alone. I could unleash the bad sides of me to wreak havoc on them all, go one way, slip into madness but I don't. I wont.

_I'm only a man in a silly red sheet  
__  
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street_

Only a man in a funny red sheet

"He just keeps helping people. Why would he do that, you know? Unless, he was trying to make a connection. Trying to, like, find his way home." Maybe that's what _I_ should do. Start over. Help someone else, but this time I wont let them screw me over. I'll be myself… Find myself… The best parts of me. Maybe that way I'll find my own connection. And finally find my own way home.

_Looking for special things inside of me_

_It's not easy to be me_

**A/N: This was hard, because I personally don't think Zach has many levels, or much depth. I'm trying to convince myself that he's okay. Does it make sense? There are some parts that aren't totally supposed to make sense, but overall… What do you guys think?**

**_Superman – Five For Fighting_**


End file.
